Donald Trump turned 71 on the 14th of June and rang in his birthday in a very sedate manner. No more spaceships and getting flashed by Pamela Anderson for this birthday boy (how can you top that anyway).  In the hope that he will continue get more ‘presidential’ by the day our resident astrologer Baba Sangha Mitra has set out to correct the doshas and nakshatras (planetary movements) in trumps kundli (birth chart).

He’s already sent the Hindu Sena on their way to do a havan in Trump’s name (true story!) and as the poojas concluded, some facts from Trumps birth-chart have come tumbling out.

Ruled by Mercury, this President has the sun in Gemini and moon in Sagittarius; opposite signs of the zodiac! They cancel each other out. Now you know why the Trump administration has been under eclipse. His ascendant is Leo, so don't expect any trouble as long as all eyes are on him. If they start to stray towards investigations with his connections to Russia, he becomes Ganesha–remover of obstacles, first (former) FBI chief Comey and, Special counsel Robert Muller maybe next.

A real TV President he’s the only one to have been on the SNL roast, the white house roast (in absentia) *** and the City, and WWE; he’s got everything from comedy central to C-Span covered. Any similarity to indigenous leader with similar affinity towards the camera is not purely coincidental. 

Modi ji is also ruled by Mercury and has dealt with similar problems with the help of Baba Sangha Mitra and is now scores ahead of Trump when it comes to these petty vighnas (interruptions). Baba ji lists some of the similarities between the mercury ruled Dear Leaders:

1. Trump: Fires Comey as FBI Chief for not dropping case on Russia.

Babaji Recommends: Using CBI as your private detective agency.

2. They are also cunning linguists, having added multiple words to our ever expanding vocabulary

3. On Medical Policy

Trump: Against Abortion

Babaji Recommends: Be Against ***. It is anti-thetical to Indian kalchur

4. Their obsession with construction

5. Handling of the media

Trump: Throws a journalist out of the meeting

Babaji Recommends: Raid NDTV; or any other network in your way

6. Nicknames given by the media

7. On terming his opponents

Trump: Crazy Bernie, Lying Ted, Crooked Hillary

Babaji Recommends: Calling them Anti-national

8. On Education

Trump: Opens a fake university

Babaji Recommends: Shutting down a real one

9. On multiculturalism

Trump: Muslim Travel Ban, Bad Hombres

Babaji Recommends: Beef ban, note ban, media ban, chowmein ban, momos ban 

10. Favourite Animal Mascots

Trump: The Forgetful Elephant 

Babaji Recommends: The Holi Cow 

© right image- The viewspaper

11. On Fact checking speeches

Trump: factually incorrect

Modi: Scientifically, according to the Vedas... 

12. On Social Interaction

Trump: Awkwardly long handshakes

Babaji Recommends: Go straight to hugs

13. Scatologically speaking

Trump: Healing effects of the Russian golden shower

Babaji Recommends: 100 % pure gau mutra

14. On social media

Trump: Tweets late at night

Babaji Recommends: Why do something you can hire people to do.
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15. The worlds obsession with their physicality

Trump: Tiny hands syndrome

Babaji Recommends: Chhappan inch ka seena