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Strong, muscular, tall, macho, suave - we wouldn't blame you if you thought we were describing a man. The image associated with men has always inclined towards the physical aspect of the balance rather than the mental or even emotional one. Words like sensitive, compassionate, empathetic, woke have been used rather modestly when it comes to men. A man has been perceived rather unidimensionally for ages now.
To reignite the conversation on International Men's Day and actually understand the nuances of mental health from the horse's mouth, we got in touch with men from various walks of life. It's been commendable to see each of these stars letting us inside their darkest moments and how they overcame them, breaking stereotypes, and proving that it's okay for a man to feel weak and vulnerable.
This is the story of Abhishek Banerjee. You might have seen him in Stree but his character Hathoda Tyagi from Paatal Lok was a career-changing role. We all have seen Paatal Lok, but we have not seen Ajji because it didn’t get enough screens. Abhishek has now opened up on how his character in Ajji made him a demon that he finally had to deal with. He bares his soul and speaks about how he got affected by his mother’s illness. This is Abhishek’s journey on how he dealt with all his lows and how he believes in not hiding his darkness.
Excerpts from our interview:
How has your mental health journey been growing up, considering how much the world around us has changed? What were your fears?
When I was young, I used to feel that some students in my class were more fortunate than me. I did have my own insecurities but that’s part of your life. In my case, the biggest issue with me was the fear of failure, especially in a city like Mumbai where I had no one to support or help me. was quite fearful of the fact that how will I be able to sustain in Mumbai or will I ever be able to make it. These were the top of my fears. I think actors are generally very insecure as they are always doubting themselves. I feel even if they are successful, it’s not that they are confident about their achievements as they have their insecurities and doubts lingering on to them. Everyone is looking up to you and actors have an additional responsibility to living up to people’s expectations. This is a constant battle of fear and you just have to keep fighting and moving on. This is what I have realized in my 30 years of existence on this planet and I have no idea what follows next. I do have the fear that if I will continue like this or I will be as honest and dedicated as I am right now. The fear is about you not changing as a core human being. This is my fear right now. This is the transition, from childhood to adulthood. Your fears just keep changing.
You told me in our previous conversations that your mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Did that come with any emotional baggage and mental trauma as it’s not easy to see your parents suffer?
Yes, it did and when you see your mother not dealing with good mental health, you don’t know how to support her. The problem with our country is that we don’t even have good mental institutions where people can be taken care of in a much more civilized way. Wherever I have gone with my mom, I have realized that there’s no infrastructure for mental health and even now, I see no change happening in that direction. We don’t talk about mental health issues socially and even family members are scared of it as they think people might call or term you as ‘paagal’. It’s that the first fear of your loved ones and this is why they want to submerge the dialogue around it. People judge the character of the person who’s dealing with it and at times, even the person himself or herself doesn’t know why he or she is acting a certain way. I believe that people should separate the illness from the person who’s having any sort of mental health issue. I have seen it and even today when I talk to her, I know she is some other world and it’s beautiful in her own way. The world that she sees doesn’t mean it’s dark. My mother talks about a flower in the most affectionate way that we lack. I, in fact, learn from her that just because someone is suffering from a mental health issue, it doesn’t mean that they are differently attached to things that we are. As it’s said, everyone’s reality is different so how can we judge. We talk about such great things in movies and books but when it comes to implementing that in our lives, we somewhere fail. This is the reality of our hypocritical society and I have been seeing it for years.
© Abhishek Banerjee
You just said that we do address bigger issues in movies but we have hardly seen mental health being the sole topic of any mainstream movie. As you’re a part of this industry, when do you see that change coming?
Before the industry, we as a society have to change our perspective of seeing mental health concerns. I also question the fact if it’s even important for society or not. If my own mom is suffering, I see how people around her like neighbours and relatives don’t give that much importance. The industry is also part of this very society and if we don’t give it importance, it will continue this way. Some people want to be vocal about it and then, we will have a movie like Silver Linings Playbook here too. I am waiting for that day. We need to start talking about it very normally. We don’t have to be preachy or give any moral ‘gyaans’. We need to be out there and not judge. 'Jab tak yeh samaj mein nahi hoga, filmon mein toh aap bohot aage ka soch rahe ho'.
© Abhishek Banerjee
As you just told me that we need to talk about mental health concerns very normally and not be preachy but that’s what we always do. If I reach out to someone and say that I am feeling low or out of place, all I get is moral ‘gyaan’. There’s hardly anyone who will advise me to seek professional help from a therapist. So, what do have to say about it?
In fact, I was about to say that. Going to a psychiatrist or a counselor is itself the biggest fear. Back in old days, people used to be scared of going to the dentist even. Whenever we talk about India, we talk about the metros and somewhere feel happy about the development around but our country is way bigger than just a few metropolitan cities. There are things people still fear to address as simple as a toothache. They wait for a root canal to happen and I feel people take time to address their physical issues, then imagine how would they see mental health issues which you cannot see in the form of any bruise on your body. I include myself too as I also realized it late in my life as I wasn’t taught. In terms of health care, we are just taught about fever or flies and if things are majorly wrong, then we are advised to get admitted to the hospital. You need to understand that mental health is equally important as the mind is the controller of your body and if that’s in chaos, how do you expect that your body will function the right way. I fail to understand it. It’s not always the case that you have a mental health issue and then only you can consult a counselor, you can seek help as we are part of cities that are fast and it comes with its own baggage. There’s a lot of stress and loneliness. There’s so much that’s happening but people are scared to seek professional help as they think society will think we are ‘paagal’. I read an article just a few days back that 20% of our population in our country will be facing mental health issues by the end of 2020. We are almost a population of 130 crores and 20% is a lot. People aren’t realising that it’s a red flag. People need to have regular sessions with their psychologists as they have with their family doctors. When you have a fever, you will run for help but when your mind is in chaos, you aren’t willing to reach out to someone and seek help. This is the boundary we need to cross as a nation. It’s because of my mom’s health I have seen how difficult it’s for people to respond to such situations quickly. People need to address it in the beginning and you can only do it when you have a safe society where people can talk and express their vulnerabilities.
© Abhishek Banerjee
We are talking about how to bring a change in society. Where do we exactly start?
It has to start from schools and we have to inculcate in the children from the beginning that mental health is important. We need to make them understand that it’s not something to be ashamed of. Many famous personalities seek help from the counselor as there’s a lot of stress that comes with your professional. I have a friend who’s a sportsperson and he does take counseling.
As we are talking about mental health concerns, do you think lockdown has added to us feeling low all the time as we’re are having limited social interactions?
Obviously, it has impacted us. We, humans, are social animals and when suddenly you’re robbed of your leverages, you’re bound to feel that way and the entire world felt it in the first month. Now, if you look at it, why were people tensed when they were asked to stay at the most confronting space which is your home and some even got paid holidays, it was because that they weren’t able to meet their buddies and loved ones. Imagine the situation for people staying alone in the lockdown as there’s no one to tell you physically that it’s going to be fine. I remember the calls increased between friends and it was trying to socialize. If you keep people in solitary, they will obviously lose their sanity.
People did lose their sanity as some of them also lost their jobs. In the lockdown period, actors had no source of earning as everything was shut for good six months. In your case, Paatal Lok was released which got a bit of relief but it was shot before. How did you handle the stress of not having a job in your hand?
I will come to the same point that I mentioned before. It’s all about fears and when lockdown initially happened, we thought it will be fine in 15 days and then we realized it will take time, it’s scary as it’s not something that you are used to. You had no idea when you will back to earning as everything stopped and it changed me as a person. You plan so much but in this scenario, I realized that life is not so friendly and can have its own plans and you need to fit in it. When our parents used to talk about ‘bura waqt’, we hardly understood it as we were cushioned by them. This lockdown has, in fact, taught the world that we have to be prepared for everything and we don’t have to plan the trivial stuff. If negative things happened in the lockdown, positive things also came in to place as we now know we are brave. We also realized that we need just two meals and also the company of my loved ones. We don’t need big cheques or awards to be happy. We had forgotten or even started ignoring the simplest of pleasures and this lockdown has taught us that. Your family and your house are important. We have also started seeing different perspectives. Yes, there was fear and trauma in the beginning and after a certain point, we threw that out of the window and realized that ‘hum kam mein bhi khush reh sakte hain’. Every time you need to learn, you need a shock and this was a big one.
© Abhishek Banerjee
Moving on to your characters, I personally felt that your character of Vilasrao Dhavle from Ajji was more disturbing and traumatizing than that of Hathoda Tyagi from Paatal Lok. There were scenes in Ajji that shook me as a human being as Dhavle had no humanity. How do you see these two characters as they both were mentally impacting in their own ways?
Ajji’s character was simple as it was about a battle between oppressor and oppressed. So, the oppressor had to be a darker character even though he is not killing someone but he is more evil more than someone who has no sense of what’s he doing. Tyagi has no sense of his doing as he is battling his own mental health issues from childhood. Dhavle understands everything and he is doing it for moral policing, it’s a bigger crime.
You said the oppressors are darker in nature and Dhavle was surely someone who did wrongdoings as he was a child rapist. As Abhishek, you didn’t connect to the violent streak that Dhavle had. You lived the character for long; how did it affect your mental space and how difficult was it to break away from him?
I, legit, had to take a month's break to break away from Dhavle. I had huge anger issues as Dhavle was an extremely impulsive man and I am guessing that got to me too as Abhishek. I was at a stage where l was rude to people and pick up fights for absolutely no reason at all. It’s not an interesting feeling to have and I realized that it happened because of playing Dhavle. I didn’t realize it while it was happening because I was young and raw. The whole idea of Dhavle was to have power over society and women and he was proud of him. There was a phase where I was struggling and then, I took a break and I went to Europe with my wife. When I came back, I played the role of Compounder who was a psychopath killer and was slitting throats but that didn’t affect me as I learnt it. Actors can be smart after the first time as they realize that the character and you cannot stay together. It’s scary and here’s why many actors refrain to play darker parts and this is why when I was recently approached to play a rapist part, I immediately said no and I didn’t have to think twice before declining it.
I was just about to ask what’s your personal approach to taking up such roles.
I really doubt that anyone can offer me a darker character like that of Dhavle and if someone manages to do so, I would like to first want to know about their issues. Is there any darker thing than a child rapist? I have seen that world of darkness and I have faced the repercussions too. Now, I have started seeing the positives in the darker characters and hence, you see the certain sense of goodness and humanity in Tyagi and Compounder. The only character that I hated or hate is that of Dhavle. I truly love Tyagi and if you separate crime from him, there were things that everyone could learn from him. He is seeing at people whose souls are dead. He is judging the society that judged him throughout and hence, he had the cold stare. From Dhavle to Tyagi, this was my journey. If I cannot love my character, I don’t take up those roles.
It was surely hard for you to fight your demons because of Dhavle but do you think it was a blessing in disguise as you learnt it quite early in your life.
Yes, it is but I learnt it the hard way. It was a self-learning experience and it was my wife Tina who took her frustration out and then I realised how wrong I was because, before that, I couldn’t understand.
Tina has been a support system in the way. Did she suffer too because of the baggage you had?
Yes, she had to. She had to deal with my mood swings and you have to bring this much love, so things will obviously change. Now, she finds it funny when I am lost in my character as I am no more in the dirty land as I am seeing the good in darker characters. Initially, she didn’t understand but now she does and I feel good about it. I did learn from the mistake I did.
© Abhishek Banerjee
We have discussed your battle with your innermost demons, your learnings, your personal issues with mental health concerns, and your emotional baggage. Abhishek, I truly appreciate it as you shared your journey with me but some men still find it hard to break that closet. Men still hide their vulnerabilities and they don’t want people to know they are weak. Before we finally end this conversation, I want you to send out a message for men who still think it’s not okay to speak up.
I want to say it’s completely okay to be emotionally vulnerable. The whole conditioning of men being strong and they’ve to be tough, it’s a very big pressure. Men keep suffering as society thinks that he will take care of everything and here’s why we see so many heart attacks. If you don’t know how to communicate, we will land up destroying the lives of people you love. I think more and more men need to come out and talk. Men don’t need to be funny all time and it’s okay to be boring at times. 'Hum yeh mardangi ke chakkar mein apni kyun laga rahe hai'!
© Abhishek Banerjee
If Abhishek can open up about his darkest days, we surely believe that other men can also finally break that shell around them. I really want to thank Abhishek for baring his soul out and trying to make a change in how we see men’s mental health.
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These boycott trends are really getting out of hand.
Every morning you wake up and see some or the other thing being boycotted and people being irrationally angry. Sometimes, it's valid, but most of the time, it's mainly some folks finding any excuse to spew hate online for no reason.
© Unsplash
The latest thing to get boycotted this year is the snack brand Bingo.
Apparently, people are offended by an advertisement made by the chips brand that features Bollywood star, Ranveer Singh. And, why are people offended? Well, here's where things get a little complicated.
Here's the ad in question:
What's the offensive part? Couldn't find it? Here are some Twitter trolls to help you out.
See how Ranveer Singh and bingo together make fun of SSR.
Their tagline should be "Brand of India but not pride of India" #BoycottBingo#RepublicRoar4SSR pic.twitter.com/CJcSu7KeCP
— DAYANAND BAIRAGI (@Imonly4sushant) November 19, 2020
Still confused? I get it, so am I.
What I'm getting from these tweets of the 'offended' people is that since Ranveer said some 'sciency things', he's trying to mock the late actor Sushant Singh Rajput.
That's it, that's the reason.
#BoycottBingo : @BingoSnacks Takedown that New Bingo Ad with Mr Cartoon - Ranvir Ching !
It Indirectly Points to Our Sushant Singh Rajput. If you'll not take it down & will not remove Mr Ranvir Cartoon Ching ,You'll have to face Further Consequences from the public by boycotting pic.twitter.com/bwR5gAmE1l
— Ҡıʀaռ 🦋 (SSRF) ||1D-MUTUALS CHECK PINNED TWEET (@zayniesgal) November 18, 2020
Sushant was one of the smartest, most intelligent people in the film industry but that doesn't mean that he was the only one allowed to use certain terms.
He was a great person indeed but he didn't own the term 'photon', as some people seem to think.
And, it's not just me saying that, as a lot of his fans came out to fight the unnecessarily hateful trend because it really doesn't make any sense.
See, I am an SSR fan.
But if u think using word photon here is disrespectful for him... aren't u to immature??
And Even if u r relating them - Had it been some veteran actor.. we would have considered this as a tribute kind of thing.
So, why not for SSR??
— Saahsi Brijwasi (@SaahsiBrijwasi) November 19, 2020 Exactly! I clearly support ssr but where they maked fun?
— GOGETA (@Iamsupergogeta) November 19, 2020 Uhh. Illitrate ppl dont know wht photon and Neutron matters for us @itsSSR ️#BoycottBingo Forever #BoycottBollywood
I Still Remember Photon in a double slit
n its Defination though pic.twitter.com/KUqbwfucSM
— Mrs,Priya Sushant Singh Rajput☘️🕉️ (@PriyaSh78692980) November 18, 2020 Someone please make it make sense. Bhai isme Sushant ka kya mazak banaya hai??
— Ritik Vyas 🇮🇳 (@ritikvyas127) November 19, 2020 Hmm. Kya dimaag bech ke aaye hai bhaii. I’m sorry but not everything is about Sushant!!!! https://t.co/0XuxsiNBfy
— (@TheSassyChic_) November 19, 2020 Apparently. Tommorrorrow if someone makes science fiction movie .Usko bhi yahi logic se boycott karoge https://t.co/BZAWJyFtUU
— Varun Shrivastava (@bollylover07) November 19, 2020 How is it related to SSR, though? #BoycottBingo
•Paradoxical Photons
•E=mc2
•Aliens ki feelings
What do you mean by this??
This joker @RanveerOfficial who was always jealous of Sushant and now he is targeting a man who is no more defend himself.
SSRians, Let's dislike and show this druggie our power. pic.twitter.com/1jHyFSEChX
— ₐₐₛₜₕₐ♡ || ᴊᴜꜱᴛɪᴄᴇ4ꜱꜱʀ🦋 || (@Aaaaaaastha) November 18, 2020 Wow. #BoycottBingo for shamelessly making fun of SSR thru it's brand ambassador @RanveerOfficial .. Best if you guys take this advertisement down and remove Mr. Ranveer being face for your company.. else face huge boycott@ITCCorpCom pic.twitter.com/I2256eJDgE
— Amit Verma: GotPromotedToManager (@PhotonSupport) November 18, 2020 Yep. Once more only Sush have been knowledge of Science and all other are fools he has copyright ???!
We all know all these terms we studied in schools so what's wrong stop being stupid https://t.co/8V0vXbyL9d
— 𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒂 ♡★ (@sara_tweetsx) November 19, 2020 That is such a big reach. what a shameful person you are @RanveerOfficial
never heard anyone from bw discuss science except Sushant you guys have left no stone unturned in mocking him. at least have some respect for his soul!#BoycottBingo
— amaira (@amairas_07) November 18, 2020 It's not related to him. IDC what the intention was.
But 'bingo' was stupid enough to mention SSR, even indirectly.
Kyun paer pe kulhadi maarni h bhai?#BoycottBingo
— Shweta Singh (@Shwetaaa_10) November 18, 2020 Okay. People
You can't even use scientific terms now ok! https://t.co/k5GrygUOvz
— रi (@Riaatweets) November 19, 2020 I agree. Kuch bhi trend karva dete hay kuch bhi galat nhi hay iss ad main
— Snako (@Snako61660409) November 19, 2020 404 Error: No logic found. Kya logic hai in bots ka🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/At3GRR1H3e
— SALMANIAC KUSHAGRA 2.0 (@KushagraSahay5) November 19, 2020
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Remember in 2017 when Apple was in trouble for quietly slowing down our iPhones and said it was doing so to prevent battery degradation? Yeah, that was some crazy news that we weren't expecting from Apple back in the day. Well, they did apologize for it and offered battery replacements.
In fact, Apple also agreed to pay a $500 million class-action settlement earlier this year. Now, the company has agreed to a second settlement. This time, the company will be paying as much as #113 million. The states' attorneys in the US had sued Apple for hiding both the throttling and battery degradation from iPhone users.
© Apple
They said Apple concealed the issues, which in turn might have forced users to buy a new iPhone altogether when they only really needed to replace their phone's battery to avoid throttling or unexpected shutdowns. Apple obviously denied that and agreed to settle to avoid letting the court decide whether or not Apple has done anything wrong.
The settlement hasn't been fully approved by a judge yet, but there's a high possibility that states might see their money sooner than actual iPhone owners. Honestly, a lot of iPhone users are probably not even aware of this issue or they're not bothered by it. That being said, we think it's important to keep tabs on these big names and their wrongdoing.
© Reuters
After all, who would've thought about degrading batteries inside our iPhones and how Apple would quietly throttle our phones to trick people into buying new devices. We're glad to have moved past that now and we're back to enjoying our new iPhones.
Source: TheVerge
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Happy Men's Day folks. What realy makes the 'perfect man'? Let's address this with portrayal of the evolution of men and toxic Masculinity, as shown by Bollywood's leading men over the years.
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Ashish Nehra recently named his top cricketers on each position based on their performances during the recently ended 13th season of the Indian Premier League. Things got interesting when he willingly chose Suryakumar Yadav over Virat Kohli.
In a conversation with Star Sports, the former Indian pacer announced his list of the best XI of IPL 2020. Starting out at the top, Nehra chose Australian batsman David Warner and orange cap winner KL Rahul over Delhi Capital’s Shikhar Dhawan to open his batting lineup.
View this post on Instagram
But then Nehra spiced things up a bit when he started talking about the third spot, where the King of Indian cricket, Virat Kohli normally sits. Only this time, Nehra picked Mumbai Indians’ Suryakumar Yadav and no it wasn’t by mistake.
Talking about why he didn’t go with the common choice, he said:
“At No.3, I am not choosing Virat Kohli. It’s not that he has not scored runs but the impact runs were scored by Suryakumar Yadav, so I will keep him at number three.”
© Twitter/ESPNcricinfo
Other than pure cricket, the narrative between Kohli and Yadav has also taken an interesting shape during the course of the 2020 IPL season.
First Yadav was snubbed from Team India’s tour of Australia despite a great domestic cricket season then in the following match between MI and Royal Challengers Bangalore, Kohli was caught on camera trying to sledge Yadav but failed miserably as the latter went on to have one of the best innings of his life and single handedly won the match for his side.
Recently SKY was in the news once again when he “accidentally” liked a Virat Kohli meme on Twitter.
© Twitter/Suryakumar Yadav
Nehra went on to name AB de Villiers, Ishan Kishan, Hardik Pandya, Jofra Archer, Rashid Khan, Yuzvendra Chahal, Jasprit Bumrah for the next seven spots. He’d go with Mohammed Shami or Ravichandran Ashwin for the final spot in the list based on the conditions.
While unsurprisingly a lot of names from the talent-laden Mumbai Indians roster- that enabled the franchise to lift the IPL trophy a record fifth time - made it to Nehra’s list, it is interesting to see that none of the players from Kolkata Knight Riders and Chennai Super Kings made the cut.
Ashish Nehra’s best IPL 2020 XI: KL Rahul, David Warner, Suryakumar Yadav, AB de Villiers, Ishan Kishan (wk), Hardik Pandya, Jofra Archer, Rashid Khan, Yuzvendra Chahal, Jasprit Bumrah, Ravichandran Ashwin/Mohammed Shami.
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Pure sensationalism to say COVID-19 turning deadlier, says AKU professor
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The online submission of forms is in progress, according to a BISE Lahore spokesperson
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The KMC Commissioner says that the people from every locality are allowed to prepare for the CSS 'which is expected to give fruitful results in the future'
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According to a BISE Rawalpindi spokesperson, the matric exams will commence on March 6
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While 5G has already kicked off in many parts of the world, we're still struggling with 4G here in India. Yes, you can buy a 5G compatible phone in India today but it's going to be useless until we get 5G connections from our service providers.
As of now, there's literally no info about 5G rollout in India. But guess what? There are some companies overseas that are already talking about 6G. The new industry group "Next G Alliance" has been set up with a goal of advancing "North American Global leadership over 6G early development."
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Shahbaz Sharif?s son-in-law Ali Imran and daughter Rabia Imran also nominated in a corruption case
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PDM is struggling to uphold the supremacy of the Constitution and fight for the people?s rights, says the PPP leader
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PMC is complying to an SHC order directing the commission to ensure registered students are eligible to appear in rescheduled test
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Daniel Levy, creator and star of 'Schitt's Creek', has come forth to address the buzz
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Who says men don't have mental health challenges? Let's hear from men themselves. With this video we address the various kinds of stigma men face when it comes to their mental health
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International Men’s Day is celebrated every year on the 19th of November to sparkle some focus on the amazing men in our lives who have impacted us in positive ways. So, all the ladies and gentlemen, if you have a man in your life who you want to thank, whether it’s your husband, brother, father or boyfriend, we have a perfect gift for them (and you).
While giving them something that they love can be on your list, we have made a list of three experiences from MensXP that they will surely love you for. The year 2020 has given all of us a reality check and dealing with this year has been a whole new challenge for most of us. We have learnt a lot about appreciating the little things and living life at the moment. And while a lot of us have learnt to accept things, some of us are still finding it challenging to deal with our daily struggles. This International Men’s Day, we urge you to help yourself and your loved ones deal with these little challenges.
Here are 3 experiences that will be conducted online and are absolutely free of cost. You can sign up for your loved ones and yourself and help them cope with certain important things in life. Read on to know what these experiences are.
1. Addiction and mental healthAddiction to anything can have a deep impact on one’s mental health. Coping with addiction is not an easy thing which is why this session, conducted by Dr Anuneet Sabharwal will help your loved one cope up the stress of addiction.
Sign up here.
2. Learning to cope with your feelings
It’s not always easy to deal with feelings at times. Coping with them with the help of a professional can be of big help in this case. Nistha Singh, a mental health specialist will help you with this. We all go through emotional instability sometime or the other in our lives and this interactive session will include skill-building activities will help them to practice emotion regulation better.
Sign up here.
3. How can men deal with societal pressures
Gender roles have an impact on a man’s life as much as it does on a woman. This International Men’s day, sign them up for a session that will focus on healthy ways to deal with gender roles by adapting the appropriate coping skills by Prashakha Solanki who is an RCI Certified Clinical Psychologist and a hypnotherapist.
Sign up here.
Apart from these three interactive sessions, two more were conducted on the 18th of November. First was on how to deal with stress by Devanshi Sharma, a clinical Psychologist. The second was about building mental resilience by Aditi Vaze from Trijog.
Sign up for these interactive sessions now! Happy International Men’s Day to all the beautiful men out there.
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Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan are allowing one lucky winner of a contest into their majestic home
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Kate Middleton is fit for the role of a modern queen
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