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A Friend In Need: How Hold An Intervention For A Bro Going Through An Unhealthy Relationship


You may share a relationship of convenience with your best friend or even one of your closest friends but sometimes you have to maintain healthy boundaries even with friends, when their personal life is concerned. You don't cross a certain line unless and until it's absolutely imperative for you to.

It is a little more difficult for men to open up to others about their struggles in life. Especially if it concerns relationships they're involved in. No matter how close your friend is to you, he will never confess the hardships he's facing in a relationship, which may be bad for him. There is no measure for a 'bad' relationship. A bad relationship could amount to some form of abuse or even be as unhealthy as 'they're bad for each other but can't stay without each other'.

The onus lies on you to figure out if your friend is going through a hard time and try and get him out of the situation at hand.

Intervention is a healthy way to go about it and if you feel your friend is silently suffering, it's about time you intervene. You will know from his unusual demeanour that he is not in a happy place. You need to be very cautious while you intervene because he may have his guard up (as men usually do, when they're facing a problem). So make sure you instil a good amount of faith in him, to trust you and slowly start your intervention.

Here's how you can help:

Don't Beat Around The Bush

When you know your friend is going through something, don't dilly-dally and create suspense around him about what you need to talk to him about. If your friend has figured as to what's coming his way from you, there is no need to beat around the bush. 

More often than not we always deliver the bad news towards the end, in a conversation in order to not hurt the other person. But it's always good to break the news evenly so your friend has time to react to the intervention. You can always start by saying 'I need to talk to you about something I am concerned about, from your life'.

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Be On Point

Whatever it is you're telling him, make sure to be absolutely precise and on point about it. Having a lengthy conversation involving ifs and buts is not going to solve your purpose.  Someone who seems upset can only take in so much information at one time, especially if the information given to the person is negative to him. Tell them the crux of the issue and pause for response. If the response is favourable, carry on explaining further.

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Be A Good Listener

The first and foremost rule of intervention is to not be aggressive. If you're aggressive you're just going to push your friend away. The best thing to do, when they start sharing their side of the story, is to listen. Try not to push your beliefs into the conversation, instead share positive stories from your own experience. If you ask him to aggressively break up with his girlfriend and if he doesn't tomorrow, the situation will probably do a 360 on you! Let's things unfold naturally and be a good listener to him.

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Share How His Experience Makes You Feel

A good way to carry out an intervention is to let your friend know how his experience of going through an issue has deeply impacted you (that's why you're having an intervention in the first place!). For instance, when your friend seemed distant due to the excessive emotional baggage he held on to, it probably impacted your equation with him. So let him know how concerned you are about him with his changing behaviour.

You friend will not argue about the impact his situation has on you. He will only react and argue if you judge him constantly.

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Boost His Ego And Self Image

With the ongoing situation he is going through, his morale maybe down quite a bit. He may not talk about it but if he's having continuous fights, there is a flow of constant negativity coming his way, breaking his confidence down. You can always lift his spirits by telling him he's a stronger person and this is just a phase in his life, which will pass eventually.

You can share accounts from your life when you went though a tough time and you pulled through it, giving him hope. Ego is very important to a man and his ego is bruised right now. Try and boost his self esteem through the duration of the intervention.

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Listen To Their Reaction Peacefully

Their reaction might not be pleasant. If he's uncomfortable talking about the issue he may brush it off completely or be in denial of it or may even act out saying 'you won't understand it so let it be'. He may also give excuses just so you don't judge the situation any further. But, the key is not to judge or react to your friends reaction. Just be patient and hear him out and give valuable inputs wherever needed.

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It's Not About You!

Even if your friend reacts negatively to your intervention, don't take it personally. People who are generally going through a tough time, shy away from friends intervening. This does not mean he's directly attacking you or your friendship. It means he probably just wants to deal with it on his own.

Give him that space if he asks for it and let him know you're around the corner, in case he wants someone to talk to. Don't act out on his reaction; the intervention is not for you but for him!

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Didn't Work? Try again Later

If the first time you didn't seem to get through to your friend, don't worry. Give him some time to heal and talk to him about it again. The second or third conversations are often crucial. He will either give in and talk to you about everything or start sharing relevant bits of information of his misery. Whatever it is, don't hurry him. Let him see you as someone he can trust and confide in.

How To Tell Your Friend The Harsh Truth© Thinkstock/Getty Images

The most important aspect of an intervention is to not have any judgement at all. If you judge your friend and approach him aggressively, he will be burdened more and probably think he has no one to talk to. Interventions can go absolutely right or wrong, depending on the direction you take forward.

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