It's been almost a year after a really intense break-up with my girl and it has been one hell of a ride. I've gone through several phases of feeling different emotions and the ride hasn't been easy at all. It's not easy to long for someone who may never come back into your life.
Most times, staying away from the person may be the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean you stop hurting or stop missing them altogether. After all, you've given yourself to someone and cutting them off from your psyche, due to unfortunate circumstances can be one of the most difficult things to do, ever.
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But there's a lot you can learn from this phase. Sometimes you don't stop and think about what can be learnt from such an experience, because you're so caught up being miserable. But once the dust has settled and you can see things clearly again, you will realise how the breakup has changed you for the better.
It's a lot different for men to cope up with breakups than women. We don't show we're hurting and we only talk to that one friend who's probably been through something similar. But at the end of it all, we always realise what we can take away from the experience.
Here's what I learnt from my break-up:It's Okay To Put Yourself First
You know what they say, when you're on an aircraft, always fasten your seatbelt first before you help anyone else. That's just a life lesson from being with someone and then being alone.
When you're with someone you always put their needs first. You're always going out of your way and doing things for them to make them happy. But when you break up, there is no 'them' anymore and you have to get used to putting yourself first, again. Which is ideally a good thing to do. It's not selfish when you think about your own well being and the things that you want. So, it's absolutely okay to put yourself before anyone else.
© Eros InternationalBeing Alone Is Not Bad At All
Yes, it's true you get used to someone's time and presence and try and fit into their schedule, while they try doing the same. But when you're not with them anymore you have to do everything on your own but you don't necessarily have to feel alone.
Loneliness is a state of mind and if you're alone its absolutely okay mate! You have more time in your hands to do the things you really couldn't indulge in while you were with them. It's okay to go out with your friends while you're single and they're not. It's okay to travel alone and feel content and it's okay to sleep alone and feel complete.
Always Pay Attention To Advice
We're men, we always think we don't need advice and we can brave any situation on our own. But it's okay to talk to someone, that one person who gets us and take advice from them on how to deal through the challenging time. Because only that person is allowed to see our vulnerability and the scars left behind by the break-up. But definitely, have that one person.
I shut everyone off and thought I could do it on my own, but I really couldn't. You always need a sane-sounding board.
Something ardent I learnt, was never negate the signs if you sense something is wrong between you and your partner. But it also depends on the nature of the relationship. If it's a mutual break up, then it could be because you two stopped getting along or some other reason like adultery. Even then, you can sense when things are going downhill and you can try and fix them. If you think she's losing interest in you (which was what happened in my case), then address the issue, before it becomes more pertinent.
© Eros InternationalNever Forget Your Friends & Family
Man, I can't stress on this enough. I never used to find time for my family or my friends when I had a girlfriend. All my time went into work or being with her and meeting her demands of giving her adequate time. I didn't realise how I pushed my friends away and stopped making time for my family. Of course, this realisation will dawn when you break up and need your support system. Not like they won't be there for you but you will realise how important it is to always keep them close, whether you're single or dating.
Yes, men cry. At least I do. Not in front of people, no, but I do cry when I am alone and I am missing her and it's okay to cry. It doesn't weaken you, it releases the stagnancy of toxic emotions trapped inside your body. You will get up feeling heavy inside, your stomach churning, you feeling like absolute shit for the first one month, but if you can brave through a month and another and then another, you're almost there, almost healing.
Crying and letting your pain out is the best way to heal, apart from travelling, and soaking yourself in things you love, like work and other hobbies.
So dude, you're going to go through hell and back and when you're back, you're going to feel like a different man altogether. Someone who is kind yet, self-preserving, someone who works twice as hard and knows when to have fun, someone who has learnt companionship and also learnt to be alone and someone who is ready to give himself to another person again, but when the time is right and the person is absolutely worth it.