Calm down! As a raging homosexual, I’ve seen lots of umm...dickheads in my life (pun intended). And even though they all look the same to me, there have been times where I was like…"Dayum that is WAY too thick..." or “THAT thing is definitely going to give me a locked jaw!”. Well, we can talk about my adventures in Dickland some other time. Right now, the elephant in the room is this ONE research that indicates that men—around the world—majorly have ONLY four types of penises. Well, I know that this information can be a hard pill to swallow—especially when you’ve considered your gift as the greatest boon to mankind. So, rejoice if your ***** is on the list. And, if it is not, maybe it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with your folks and talk about life at large.

Let’s Discuss…

Type 1: The Big Head a.k.a The Magical Mushroom  

(c) MensXP/Samiksha Sharma

Well, this ***** has a BIG ego and a head that appears to be thicker (and bigger) than the body of the *****.

Type 2: The Big Shaft a.k.a. The 1-liter water Bottle

(c) MensXP/Samiksha Sharma

Where the head of the ***** is actually smaller making the ***** ends in something of a point—like a fat banana or a water bottle!

Type 3: The Curve

(c) MensXP/Samiksha Sharma

Where the ***** has a slight upward curve a.k.a a ***** that appears like it’s way too hard. "There's a suspensory ligament that holds your ***** to your pelvis and it suspends your ***** a little upward.", Dr. Shusterman told BuzzFeed.

Type 3: The Bender

(c) MensXP/Samiksha Sharma

If you have this kind of *****, you should maybe be concerned. If your ***** has a curvature that is in the range of 30 to 60 degrees, this could be a sign of Peyronie’s disease. (Fact: Peyronie’s disease is a buildup of plaque inside the penile shaft that can cause the shaft to stiffen and bend. Visit the doctor ASAP, if you have this condition!)