Once upon a time, when someone branded a raging, screaming dude as, “Oh! He is such an angry young man”, I guess it was something of a mixed compliment. After all, the very term was used so liberally for the legendary Amitabh Bachchan after his iconic roles in 'Zanjeer' and 'Deewar' where he fought a one man's war against the world, that it became somewhat acceptable to rage and lash out in a manner becoming of a pained, troubled youth.
Also James Dean. As in the man personified the phrase 'Rebel Without A Cause' which was also the name of his 1955 iconic teen romance flick.
Walking around brashly in a leather jacket on a motorbike with a jaded view of the world, with a slim cigarette dangling from his fingers…he cut the perfect picture of a young man expected to rage at the world while dripping with raw masculinity. The sheer defiance in his acting was witnessed in his personal style as well, which spread like wildfire across men around the world.
However, if you still think you can go around like an angry bear that is mad at everyone, well…WRONG.
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Besides it being downright unhealthy, it is also poisoning those around you, especially those who are personally involved in your life. First things first, you need to drop that notion right now that getting worked up easily and throwing a fit is acceptable as a man, it's not. It never was. I don't know which genius convinced you that you can be like that, but you simply can't.
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Men have been force-fed this idea since forever that they need to be a wall, which makes them vulnerable, and that vulnerability transforms into anger as there is no other way of expressing the pent up emotion, in a socially acceptable manner. Simply put, anger is the mother of violence. Men are encouraged to “spit it out” while women are told to be “nice” about it. Yea, it sucks for both.
I have been saying this since forever and I will repeat it again…being a man is not easy, you have to live up to it. Losing your temper at those around you for trivial, silly reasons, sometimes even without a reason is pathetic and puts you across as a petty person with zero control over his emotions, which we all know how everyone just LOVES in a man (sense the sarcasm)!
Yes, getting angry is human, only natural and I completely agree with that. Why, I suffer from rage issues myself just like any other person. But what makes me different from a rage monster is that I am aware of the consequences. The second I start seeing red and start to literally shake, my brain begins to calculate the damage it will cause and that instantly makes me take a step back.
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When you channel anger in a positive way it can produce surprisingly good results, but God forbid it is vice versa and you leave behind a trail of destruction. Anger can build you or burn you. Obviously the latter happens more than often, as not many have the self control to contain that growing sense of fury.
Here are five things that your 'Angry Young Man' persona will cost you eventually:
1. Relationships
2. Respect
3. Credibility
4. Love
And this is the scariest one…
5. A lifetime of happiness
Now, some of you may feel that your anger is reasonable and yes, you are right. The world is filled with a never ending parade of stupid that can drive us crazy. Also anger can come out of concern. But the manner of expressing that anger is the point we are discussing here. You need to treat rage like a suspicious neighbour whom you try to avoid, not open your arms and welcome it like a long lost friend.
Always keep this is mind: No one can actually hear what you are saying when you lash out. That's right. You might be conveying your point, but all the other person can see and hear is a stranger…a particularly pissed off, babbling stranger.
Ask yourself if watching the other person shrink in fear or disgust while you go off on a rant is worth it. Would you be okay if your girlfriend or sibling would live in constant fear of you? Afraid of being themselves around knowing, unaware what will set you off? Is it worth to constantly keep hammering on that friend who is trying to be nice to you despite your behaviour? Self introspection goes a long way guys. Try it.
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Unfortunately, you may have already pushed some people out of your life and completely burned all bridges with them. But that's the price you pay for your behaviour.
It is understandable if you explode when someone breaks your trust or hurts you in a manner no one else has. But I have seen live displays of men having complete meltdowns…because their lazy roommate did not flush the toilet! Or forgot to empty the trash. Or their girlfriend showed up an hour late. I mean…the words that have left their mouths…it's unimaginable.
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Try and picture a scenario in the future where you are the head of the house and have your own family complete with an adorable wife and awesome children. Can you imagine the number of obstacles, impediments and problems you are going to face? Bills, fees, family woes, finance, wife's nagging, children's nagging, a never ending stream of demands from elders…I can go on. And they are all going to look up to you. You will be the rock of the entire household. Can you afford to lose your shit at the drop of a hat even then?
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Getting a grip over your rage is tough but not impossible. You don't necessarily need to seek out help as sometimes all you need is one person to talk to. It helps melt that big lump of hot metal you are carrying in your chest. You have to let your shields down and bare your soul. Yes, I know it is terrible. Who wants to feel weak and exposed? But trust me when I say that you will come across as an entirely different person to the other side.
Once the noise stops coming out of our mouth, words will flow and then people will sit up and ACTUALLY listen to you.
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