If there's one thing a millionaire can't buy with his big (black) bucks, it's the ability of picking the right swimming trunk for himself. And no, this isn't about his style aesthetic at all. To say the least, swimwear are testimonials of a man's body type. With flapping back flab, short legs appearing shorter or engulfing bulges ruining someone's day—you're not to going to represent another Michael Phelps, you see. Okay, with the bulge, you might. Short story, shorter: a lot can happen with the wrong pair by the pool. Anyway, spare us your apology, time to pick the right one for your body type now.
1. Beer Belly OwnersHow To ID: Love handles, slight/big belly, saggy back fat.
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We drink, over drink and fall flat on the face—that's what Saturdays are for. Over time, all that alcohol turns into fat, but of course, we cover it up with appropriate dressing skills. However, the problem arises when it's time for that Sunday swim (when no miracle allows overnight weight reduction). But if nothing, save yourself some added embarrassment—opt for swimsuits with relaxed elastic waistbands or ones with elastic at the back and zips up front. Don't let the fabric hold you too tight.
2. Morning SprintersHow To ID: Sculpted legs, abs, toned abdomen (with no abs), non-weight-training-body.
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If you're a Joggers Park regular at 8 am every morning, chances are, your body fat percentage is reaching the gods. What we mean is, it's definitely at par with the ideal number. Plus, you're toned with just enough muscles rippling out. So, do yourself a favour and embrace that—do whatever the hell you want. Try bold prints/patterns/colours and even square leg swimsuits/swim briefs if you want. Baseline: just don't turn to loose, ill-fitted pairs.
3. Shorter-Than-Usual JacksHow To ID: Short legs, stout frame.
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Message is clear: you need to add height to your torso. So, as a thumb rule, stick to short to medium length, but well-fitted shorts. For you, it's all about avoiding a cut in your leg length, so avoid pairs that allow that. Let your top half play the celebrity here and the extended length on your bottom half be it's Manager. Also, avoid drawstrings.
4. Very Tall, Very ThinHow To ID: Stick thin (or not as much), Giraffe-jokes-sufferers, 6 feet or above.
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Rejoice, you have one thing better than most men out there—a great body length. And that's all you'll need to make the cut. Celebrate it with short-length trunks or shorts (6-7 inch seams) to accentuate your legs and torso. Another suggestion: try going in for prints/patterns to add contrast to your frame and throw in a drawstring for added drama. You'll thank us.
5. Hulk HogansHow To ID: Rippling shirtless selfies, almost-naked Instagram feed, guns (and more guns), beastly legs, pumping chest.
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Besides women, there's a lot that comes with a hulk-like body—added body volume, protruding quads and a lot more caution in picking the right swimming shorts. But it's simple: keep it short, just not too long. Maybe a 6" in-seam. You have the best-looking legs to flaunt, so be it. Though, with wider legs, you'd want to even opt for shorts that are comfortable for you. All in all, while breaststroking or getting out the mighty pool, be rest assured, you're going to attract gallons of attention.
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