Another one from the Johar Verse, this film is pretty much the prototype for all Dharma Productions considering every other movie that has been made by Karan Johar is somewhere or the other connected to this one film that even though was advertised as a romantic drama, was in fact a sci-fi thriller where till the end we struggle to find out just how hard did puberty have to hit little Rohan’s character for him to turn out the way he did. 

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The movie starts with a cricket match at a school abroad, where after several close-up shots of Rohan aka Hrithik Roshan’s spot-free shoes and a monologue in the background that basically asks you to close your eyes right before a ball is thrown at you (a simple recipe for being hit in the face real hard), we are shown just how self-centered Rohan is, as he continues to laud himself in an email he is sending to his parents. 

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But we can’t blame the apple falling not far from the tree, because we soon realise that he has taken after his father -Yashvardhan Raichand who is just as narcissistic in the movie as his son. Slightly more, tbh.

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Rohan is all set to go back to India to his family for Diwali but decides to make a pitstop to meet his grandmothers - Nani and Dadi, both of whom lack a sense of peripheral vision, considering they spill family secrets like its tea right in front of Rohan. 

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Turns out Rohan’s elder brother - Rahul aka Shahrukh Khan is adopted. Not only that, he has been banished from the Raichand house and that takes us into a flashback that starts with one of many songs you’d like to skip ahead.

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Rahul arrives at his place in a damn helicopter, and what we’re calling a mere house here is pretty easily the size of the goddamn Buckingham Palace. 

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But that is not the most surprising part either, what is, is that it is somewhere placed in Delhi, and considering how cramped our lanes are here, we really wanted to know the way to this secret Raichand palace with a helipad.

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Rahul is everyone’s favorite, except Rohan’s, whom he keeps fat-shaming every chance he gets. But depicting the irony of every Indian household where a child is shamed for his weight and yet fed parathas every morning laden with ghee, Rohan too is put on a strictly unhealthy diet by his Dai Jaan aka DJ, who is hired simply to coddle Rohan and tie his laces. 

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Anyhow, Rahul is free-spirited and a momma’s boy, while always feeling the need to be validated by his father, who for the first part of the film is busy dancing with women on his anniversary and deciding who Rahul should marry because, parampara. Which is code for social status and societal pressure in this movie.

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While Yash is busy throwing male prejudice in the air like it's confetti, by trying to set Rahul up with Naina (Rani Mukherjee), Rahul is busy falling for Anjali, daughter of a confectioner in Chandni Chowk.

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After a few accidental bump-ins where Anjali is breaking vases all across the Raichand house, Rahul finds himself head over heels in love with Anjali and shows that by kissing her on the cheek, without consent of course, because what is that anyway right?

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Between Rahul and Anjali’s lovestory blooming and Rohan getting traumatised by Pooja (Anjali’s younger sister and future Kareena Kapoor), Anjali and Pooja’s father - Bau Ji played by the Bollywood’s one and only - Alok Nath, passes on. 

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As a result, Rahul marries Anjali and Mr. Raichand banishes him from the estate and his inheritance, also throwing a nasty dig at his son for being adopted. Talk about problematic dads.

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That brings us to the kitty party Rohan’s Nani and Dadi are having that let him in on everything that went down when he was sent to the boarding school. So, Rohan decides to step up and bring his bhaiya and bhabhi back home - which made this movie a Bollywood mission impossible.

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With a simple search on a website that looks perfect for any stalker to have a gala time at, he finds his brother’s exact address in London and subsequently manages to enroll in the same university as Pooja who has now transformed from a Chandni Chowk girl to a British hottie called ‘Pooh’. 

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Pooh is hot, runs her own ‘Mean girls’ pack and is as superficial as it gets. Her motto in life is - ‘Good looks, good looks and good looks’ and by that we meant Kareena Kapoor’s. 

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And Pooh is no different of course, using boys to get her way and rating them on their looks, because Bollywood loves perpetuating such mean and unrealistic beauty standards.

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Pooh and Rohan reunite after a tough round of tongue-twister, and she manages to get Rohan the permission to stay at their house by making up a story about him being from India and playing to Anjali’s ‘I love my India’ side. Rahul is not thrilled about it, but agrees after learning his name to be similar to that of his father.

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Anjali, Rahul, their son -Krish, Pooja and DJ have built a little life for themselves in London and Rohan decides to uproot all of it because why should he be the only one having to put up with Daddy Raichand’s crap. 

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The family dynamic is simple - Rahul is a miser, Anjali is a patriot, Pooh is constantly asked to cover up her clothes because apparently her clothes are as short as Indian society’s tolerance for women making their own choices. 

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A lot of drama, staging and songs featuring Hrithik Roshan’s biceps and Kareena’s bold fashion choices, Rohan’s true identity is finally revealed. After all, can you blame Rahul for not recognising Rohan? The man turned from a potato to a Greek god, for Christ’s sake. 

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As a final part of his elaborate plan, Rohan makes Anjali and Rahul bump into Nandini and Yash after tricking them to come to London. Things don’t end too differently for Rohan, who also gets slapped for going against his father’s back. However, tragedy strikes and Dadi passes away.

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The two sons and father come together to cremate her and Nandini (Jaya Bachchan) finally gets some screen time in the 3.5 hour long film. Calling Yash ‘not a god’, as Indian women are often taught to, Nandini gives it back to Yashvardhan for being the selfish and narcissistic prick that he has been.

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Yash then instead of accepting his fault, starts crying and blaming Rahul for leaving and not coming back. Because how can a grown ass man accept his own mistake in front of a son he banished, right?

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All’s well that ends well, the two families come together and we are given a template for a family photograph for years to come.

The End.

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