If you thought *** was taboo, try anal ***. No, really. You should; I mean most of the dudes want to try it anyway. You’ll either bring it up in every sexual conversation you have with your significant—or insignificant—other, even if the other isn’t too keen on it. All you want is for them to say, ‘Okay, hon… For you, I’ll bend over’. Of course that was a good pun, don’t sneer.

Here’s the thing about anal ***. It’s fucking anal in the most literal and figurative sense of the word. It’s like a sexual paranoia that comes over the fucker and the fuckee. Those of you who have tried it (and are brave enough to admit it publicly, or not) would know this to be true. Of course if you’re the fucker, then you’re just paranoid with the sense of false control it gives you. For the fuckee, it’s like taking them to an asylum while telling them it’s a carnival all the while. Now, don’t get me wrong. Anal can be great; mindblowing, actually. But, most people get it wrong for the simple reason that they don’t really know how to get it in right.

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The result is you scare your partner off and are probably preventing them from having one of the most cataclysmic orgasms of their life! Here’s a pointer: NEVER force it in. Ever. It works the same way the vagina does. It ain’t gonna wet itself. But, I’m just going to assume I’m talking to a noob when I say that before you go anal, you need to know all about it.  

1. Don’t Go All In

One simply does not go all in when it comes to anal. I bet you didn’t know that. So, yes, if you’ve been poking your junk—never mind if it’s big, little, thin or thick—right inside, stop and take it back out. That’s not how you do anal, bub! So, not. You start slow and small and take one step at a time. Maybe introduce a finger around the area, after having informed your partner and them being okay with it. It’s about heightening the sensation in the area. So some finger play, some rimming with your tongue, very lightly can actually get your apprehensive and hesitant partner to loosen up a bit.

2. It’s Not Dirty

The only thing that is actually dirty about anal is the sexual act and the wicked thought of it. Yes, I can see you going all ‘Is this bitch crazy, or what?’ on me. Nope, not that kinda crazy, hon. It’s not dirty because, anatomically speaking, the anus and the lower part of the rectum—which is where all the anal action goes down—doesn’t really have much fecal matter at all. So, you can quit acting like a cleanliness freak. Seriously, you have weirder things down there and you know that.

3. It Hurts In The Beginning

Maybe it won’t hurt you, if you’re the giver. But, for your receiving partner, the first time will hurt for the simple reason that the muscles are a lot more rigid under there. It’s like prying a piece of wood apart. And no, drilling a nail in there doesn’t help in this case, nutter! You have to be a lot gentler than you would be with a vagina; you have to a lot slower than what you’re used to and a hell of a lot more patient.

4. You Need Lube

Lots and lots and lots of it. You need it on your junk; your partner needs it in the crack. Brand doesn’t really matter so long as you’re using all the prescribed ones. You can even use a lot of moisturizer; just lather it in there. Saliva if you’re the disgustingly innovative kinds who like to get it really frigging dirty. Don’t scoff. Secretly, you know you’ve either done it, or want to do it, you pervs! But, yeah, coming back to the point, lubricants. Lots of them. Don’t even attempt anal without lube unless you’re sole aim is to really hurt, scare and petrify someone away.

5. Try Different Positions

When it comes to trying anal ***, you can’t just simply assume that taking them from behind is going to work because, well, behind. Nope. You could try spooning them, first. Give them a little hand action on the breasts, the vagina, the neck… improvise and use your hands, mouth and tongue to turn them on and stimulate them in other ways, simultaneously.

6. Condoms, Please.

I know what you’re thinking. In fact, you probably just told your significant other, ‘But, Baby, we won’t have to use a condom for anal.’ Abso-fucking-lutely wrong, baby. The thing with using condoms during anal is it smoothens the whole process out a whole lot more. The skin around the anus is usually a lot more sensitive and, yet, it’s a little drier due to the muscles and the amount of washing and scrubbing that goes into it. Your bare junk against that bare skin could cause more friction than you sign up for and it could get rough and sometimes, even bloody (sorry, its true). Condoms are designed to be smoother and with the lube, it’s the best formula for anal pleasure.

7. You Need To Relax

When you’re going for the backdoor, you need to have discussed this at length and actually be onboard to be able to try it first. Now, the receiver will always be a little tense and nervous, especially the first three to five times. You need to be able to get them to relax. One way to do that is by not panicking yourself. Like I said before, take it slow with them. Caress them while you’re getting it in. Squeeze their butt cheeks lovingly and above all, ensure that both of you are in a comfortable setting—in the relationship and in the room—before you get to trying it.

8. It Can Be Pleasurable

Yes. Believe it or not, anal *** can be pleasurable; provided it’s done right. You talk it over, mull things over in the bath tub (it only makes it better), take it slow, steady, pace things out, and take all of these points into proper consideration and then, you proceed. If done right, anal *** can be one of the most pleasurable acts in the bedroom. Because the nerve endings in the derriere are designed to be more sensitive, you can actually receive maximum stimulation and reach a climax point that is way better than vaginal stimulation. You get there, you’ve attained Nirvana. But, it takes all the effort and energies you can put in and a level of comfort to explore that sexually. Although, you need to understand that sometimes, someone is just not an arse-person, if you know what I’m saying. If it hurts, it hurts. If they don’t want it after the fifth time, they’ll probably not want it at all. Don’t prod.