Note: “Nice Guys” in this copy refers to the fake ones, not to be confused with guys who are genuinely nice in nature.
“But I'm such a nice guy!”
Every guy must have uttered these words some or the other time in his life.
It happens. When we don't get things that we ardently wished for, we can't help but feel disheartened at the cruel joke that the universe seems to have played on us.
Sugar, Spice & Everything Not So Nice?
Some guys take this concept of being nice to another level. They surround their entire life around the concept of appearing unnaturally nice or fake it with utmost sincerity.
This is what the modern society has termed as the “Nice Guy Syndrome”.
“The Nice Guy Syndrome” is a phase when a guy, who is interested in a girl who he is friends with, does good things for her without being asked, but with latent conditions.
The catch? His good deeds have an ulterior motive. They are “not so nice”.
The guy thinks of himself to be the proverbial nice guy, but his intentions are purely motivated by a desire to have a relationship (or mostly ***) with the said lady.
Fact: The girl is not interested in him. And he is aware of this. This person just believes that if he is nice and good, the girl will finally realize that she loves him too.
Don't get me wrong. Everyone aspires to be nice and good. That is what we have always been told to be; by our parents, by our teachers, and by society.
Perhaps, it is the very concept that has been taught to us which is faulty; if you do something good for someone, you are bound to be rewarded.
Doing something out of the goodness of your heart and doing something to get a prize at the end are completely different things. If you are genuinely good, you won't waste your time to justify it.
Yet, a few men seem to have taken it to their heart to ruin it for everyone. These men, the so-called “Nice Guys” run about being a pushover and when they do not and cannot achieve the thing they crave for, they term it to be wrong and show disdain.
“She will only date jerks!”
“She will date everyone except me. I'm so done with it. When will she realize that I'm such a good guy?”
Remember the fable about the fox and the grapes? Didn't think it would ring so true later in life, did we?
These men tend to self-victimize themselves. Mostly, they are on the lower end of the self-confidence meter and think that just being good to women or being a good listener will guarantee a relationship.
When it doesn't work out, they blame the woman to have led them on or in extreme cases they do something dreadful.
If they only date jerks, let them and if that irritates you, you shouldn't force yourself to listen to it.
No one is going to hand you out things just because you are nice. If you are genuinely good, things work out eventually.
© NBC/ Warner Bros. Television/ Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions
The crop of “Nice Guys” believes that because they lend a friendly shoulder to a female friend who they like, when she is sad or is ranting about her relationship, it makes them eligible for a relationship.
Just because you helped her doesn't qualify you to *** or a relationship. What you are looking for is a transaction; something in return for your supposedly good deed.
Being a friend is completely opposite of acting to be a friend to essentially fulfill your desire to have a relationship. You don't become someone's friends just to seek out benefits.
Being a genuine person and a being a “Nice Guy” are two different things. If you don't send her a dick pic or are not lewd with her, it doesn't make you a good guy. It makes you a normal, functional, decent human being.
The Friendzone & The Nice Guy:
If a girl you like “friend-zones” you, it's okay. It is their loss, not yours.
If you like someone, don't waste too much time in telling them. Not doing so is what puts you in the friendzone in the first place.
Hanging around her and then blaming her for not seeing your efforts when she is not interested isn't the right way. Of course, some people will take advantage of you for being nice. If you serve yourself on a platter, people are bound to take the offering.
Don't be stuck up with the concept of friend zone. Don't whine and wallow about being in it.
It's natural to feel bad when things don't work out. It is during this time that you should focus on what's right, even though it seems impossible.
If you think you can stay friends with someone even after they have rejected you, go ahead. Be sure that you are done with the idea of you two together and there is nothing more ominous to your friendship.
Contrary to what people believe, men and women can be friends.
On the other hand, if you are not comfortable with it, be upfront about it.
What's the worst that could happen? She won't be with you. You guys will stop being friends.
Isn't a temporary heartbreak better than a life of crushing solitude and insincerity, filled with unhappiness or worse the afterthought?
The “Nice Guy”:
A seemingly nice guy depends on his awkwardness and “help me please “demeanour to please women.
He thinks that if he lets her walk over himself, she will fall for him. No, it won't happen.
Because self-confidence is a major contributor to one's well-being ubiquitously. Especially, in relationships.
You don't need to be over-confident. Stand your ground. Do not do everything she asks of you, be your own person . If you are always available, you come across as a pushover. A sycophant who is putty in anyone's hands.
© CBS/ Bays and Thomas Productions/ 20th Century Fox Television
You also don't have to go overboard and become a douchebag either. You don't need to be a jerk for someone to notice you and date you.
Maintain a balance.
There's a thin line in between being nice and being a doormat. People mistake the first one (being nice) to be the same as the latter.
Pretending to be their friend just for the final goal of sexual satisfaction or a relationship is unscrupulous. Guilting the other person into having a relationship is worse.
Once you start faking to be good so that the girl still remains with you, this is where your transition to the “Nice Guy” starts.
A nice guy is genuine while a “Nice Guy” isn't. The “Nice Guys” believe on their plans to concoct scenarios where the lady might finally give in to persuasion. (Everyone's not Leonard, are they? :P)
© CBS/ Chuck Lorre Productions/ The Tannenbaum Company /Warner Bros. Television
The question is: if you truly are as nice as you proclaim to be, why are you still trying to prove it?
The Other Guy:
Women say that there are no nice guys. Then, when a nice guy comes along, they prefer to ignore them. It is true. Even women agree to it.
You might have been treated to “You are too nice!” or “I want a guy just like you!”
And you can't think of another guy like you. You must think that what is wrong with you for being nice.
Here, when she is spelling it out to you that she isn't interested in you, take your leave. When she says you are too nice, take that to be a precursor of her disinterest in you, not a chance to prove to be too nice.
This is the type of person you should steer clear of, not become friends with, if you are interested in them.
Perhaps it is the charm of the bad boy, the one who doesn't follow the rules or his cavalier disregard for them that makes women swoon for him.
© Weiner Bros./Silvercup Studios/Lionsgate Television/ AMC
They are confident in their stance.
The bad boy persona is sure to attract women because they are glib talkers and have an edgier personality, but that doesn't mean you should change yourself just to have a relationship. It wouldn't last.
And if she can't accept you for who you are then maybe you shouldn't be with her.
Think about it this way, your eyes catch the flashiest things first; toys, clothes, anything. Even if you know that the thing is temporary and wouldn't last long, the thrill of having that is an experience you wish to have. The “bad boys” are the physical manifestation of this theory.
© Netflix/ Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions
Or is it because women have been duped by these supposedly nice guys earlier? When they thought them to be helpful, good guys who understood them, were their friends but they gradually turned out to be creeps who were playing nice just to end up in a relationship with them.
In fact, because of guys like these, genuinely good men can't seem to find trust from a woman. Result: Women have started believing that most nice men are fake. Confusion runs amuck because of fake people who justify their acrimonious behavior with the guise of naivety and goodness.
© CBS/Warner Bros. Television/Alloy Entertainment
One thing the other guy, the bad boy, does right is that he leaves when he can see he isn't wanted. He doesn't hang on to it and this is what makes things favourable for him. A bad boy might seem like a nuisance, but he is true to his feelings, unlike the “Nice Guy”.
What is wrong with faking to be nice?
Well, there's a concept called “integrity” for starters. How long will a relationship last if it is based on a fabricated personality?
It is perhaps the result of watching too many romantic movies, sappy TV series (which give out the wrong message, Ted Mosby?) or reading romance novels where the best friend gets the girl, the girl realizes that she had always been in love with the guy. Mostly, this guy happens to be the epitome of the “Nice Guy”.
Ted Mosby (HIMYM), Dan Humphrey (Gossip Girl), Joe (You), Dean Forrester (Gilmore Girls) and more are nice guys on the surface; their true natures are something more menacing when they do not get the girl. They start employing different techniques to woo the girl, most of which are extremely questionable.
© Netflix/Warner Bros. Television/Alloy Entertainment
Your crush and her boyfriend; trying to break them up seems like a likeable idea. Perhaps you think you'll find a Bipasha Basu who will finally make you realize to do that. That just happens in movies.
If it's meant to be it'll find a way to you eventually. If not, then there's still a life left to be explore, people to be met.
Acting as a “Nice Guy” might seem like a good way to deal with things; fascinating even, especially with the glorification in pop culture.
In the end, you need to realize that being a genuinely good, decent guy is more satisfying than being a cunning, conniving “Nice Guy”.
You can't change someone's mind. Respect the decision of the other person. It leads to happiness and a sense of closure.
Don't be nauseatingly nice! Be yourself.
Remember that Nice Guys don't always finish last!!