Q: What global efforts are required to annihilate terrorists groups like ISIS? 

A: US Army - Wrong 

A: Russian troops - Nope

A: Concerted global efforts led by the United Nations - Ummm, no

A: A gymboi from Agra, whose brother gets kidnapped - Bingo!

At least thatâs what we learned after watching Baaghi 3, which could be one of the worst films of 2020. Of course, that takes nothing away from the fact that both Tiger Shroff and Shraddha Kapoor are on the March cover of MensXP. We made them look great; and I think our cover story might be way better written than Baaghi 3, which takes absolutely no logic or rationale into account. To be honest, it is an assault on both physics and geography.

The stunts defy all laws of physics. Itâs not something thatâs happening for the first time in Indian cinema, but I canât digest what Tiger manages to pull off with moving helicopters. I know that the core of his audience belongs to a much younger age group but even they would find some stunts hard to believe.

© Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment

As for geography, Agra is shown to have hills and a Lahori man in Syria speaks Urdu in a Hyderabadi accent. But more on that laterâ¦

If youâve seen the filmâs trailer, in the lead roles are Tiger Shroff (Ranveer âRonnie Pratap Singh), Riteish Deshmukh (Vikram) and Shraddha Kapoor (Siya Nandan). But if youâve also read the comments below the trailer, youâd know that a lot of users couldnât find Syria on Google Maps after watching it. 

But jokes aside, Tiger and Riteish D play brothers: one, super aggressive and ready to beat up people at the beck and call of the other - the rather timid sibling. Jackie Shroff, in his special appearance, plays their father, while Jameel Khoury and Jaideep Ahlawat play the antagonist Abu Jalal and Ismail Shehzad Khan respectively. 

© Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment

Talking about Shraddha, her characterâs most compelling hue is the fact that she swears a lot. Even in the trailer, youâll find her saying things like âTeri Maa Ki Lobbyâ and âUsski Macho Beep Dena.â Abey aise kaun gaali deta hai yaar! Some of you will say that we resort to politics in the absence of jokes, but Siya Nandanâs utility to the film is the same as that of secularism to a certain political party. Mic drop.

The movie begins by introducing us to the brothers, whose father is a cop in Agra. Just before passing away fairly early, he takes a pledge from Ronnie to rescue Vikram from any trouble as they grow up orphaned. Vikram replaces his father in the police job and with the help of Ronnieâs fighting skills, keeps getting promoted. Thereâs a Delhi police joke here, but phir mai bolunga toh bologe ki bolta hai. 

© Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment

Anyway, one thing leads to the other and Vikram is assigned a project in Syria, where he gets kidnapped. Ronnie is on a video call with his brother as this happens, so he, being the adarsh son that he is, decides to go look for his brother in the war-torn country. Of course, he packs his love interest Siya with him. We all know that she would later be used for a ransom-related plot twist.

There they meet Akhtar Lahori, played by Vijay Varma. His poorly written character fails to inspire the intended humour that a Nawazudding Siddiqui did in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, with dialogues like (puke alert) âmai yahan shaan o shauqat ke saath aaya tha. Shaan aur Shauqat mere chacha ke ladke.â

© Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment

Moving on, Ronnie eventually finds his brother, who manages to pack a few punches in the end, and also to single-handedly take down the Syrian terrorist group lashkar-e-jaish. Trivia: Lashkar means army and jaish also means army, so itâs basically army of army. Genius!

3 Things We Liked

Nothing, nothing and nothing.

3 Things We Didnât Like

Plot: Director Ahmed Khan is also a choreographer, and alongside Farah Khan, makes for a strong case against Bollywood choreographers turning directors. We donât deserve any more Tees Maar Khans (Rotten Tomatoes rating: 11%).

Script: The film and screenplay are written by Farhad Samji of Housefull 4 shame, I mean fame. Heâs the man behind some cringe worthy dialogue and equally bad comic timing. His next venture is Varun Dhawan starrer, Coolie No. 1 remake, and we are really not looking forward to it.

Overall stupidity: The film is initially set in Agra but is shot in Jaipur. We paid more attention in our geography classes than the director assumes, trying to pass off Rajasthani architecture as Agraâs and a desert landscape as that of UP. The stupidity doesnât end there: thereâs a small-time local gunda called IPL in the movie, who happens to take cricket shithousery to the next level. If you are planning to watch this movie, especially with your kids, I suggest you stay home and stream some sensible cartoons instead.

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